These weddings toh I tell you, they are getting on my nerves these days. Ek toh go to far off shadi khanas somewhere door daraz and that too in this hot summer.
Upar se even at 9 pm you find a few bling dipped aunties scattered here and there. The sunsaan stage suggests the dulhan is still busy with her solah singhaar, arey bhai its her big day after all, she has to look her best, all that roop and all has to descend form the beauticians hands on to her face and so it takes time baba. Asal mein na all these brides want to ghusofy in that dingy teeny weeny China parlour only. Ab how many dulhans can a small room accommodate and how many faces can the beauticians paint at a time, so all these dulhans na they make queues to wait for their turn aur idhar they keep the guests starving.
Ye invitation cards toh na they say nikah at 7 p.m but meri mano toh never be deceived by them. Arey 7 pm ko toh the bridegroom's car starts getting decorated, aur haan I hear these days the guys also go for the beauty parlour things. Fair& Handsome tak toh theek tha but whats with facials and bleaches. Maybe they are thinking' why should girls have all the fun'.
Khair, the nikah takes place whenever the bride and the groom arrive. I wonder how they hold up the qazi for such a long time. I toh feel sorry for that poor chap, even in summers, in that thick sherwani, and that furry topi he has to wait for dulhas and dulhans all the time. But what can we do, Jab ladka ladki lazy toh kya karega qazi. Sigh.
After the nikah na all the aunties sitting in the front rows start running for cover, mothers start hiding infants in thier pallus, others try to take refuge behind their large hand bags because you know those things can hit you on your foreheads, your faces, backs, shoulders anywhere, not bombs baba, its the bari (Osama was not hiding in a Banjara Hills mansion no, so no drone attacks in Hyderabad). At Hyderabadi weddings few minutes after the nikah it starts raining misris and badams and if you are not very careful one of the goodies might end up as an embellishment in your high up dos. Ab after the hailstorm of misris and badams the dastarkhwans are set up, no no not the farash par bichane wala dastarkhwan, at parties we call the well laid tables also as dastars you know, like pehle dastar, doosra dastar matlab rounds taken to eat baba.
Some aunties toh I tell you are so chaalu, they strategically place themselves on the seats close to the dining hall so that when the elaan is made they can quickly rush and catch chairs for thier whole khandaan, aur haan again they choose the table near to the kitchen, so that everything comes to their table garma garam, these fat fat aunties and their chalbaziyan uffff....
You don't have to ask only what is on the menu, there can be all new items like spiring rolls and winter balls and Russian salad and French chicken but Biryani and Qubani ka meetha are always on the list, they are there to stay, no phirangi dish can lessen in dono ki maang. The same is with our dulhans, let the designers make fish cut ghagras or mermaid saris, our girls will stick to the shahi Khada Dupatta and the lashkarey wala jadau. We are like this only you know, we like to hold on to our roots very mazbooti se.
Let me also tell you in passing, if you are a shaadi ki umar ki bachi, you are most likely to be scrutinized by all the oldies. They may tell your mom what's hot and whats not in the shaadi ki market aur phir the marriageable maal's owners (read the ladke ki amma/ behen) will be introduced to your mom who will pull you out from a bheed of girls and ask you to meet falan falan aunty adab aur tameez ka tadka lagake.
Khair, these old ladies toh have nothing, no kaam dhaam and they keep bhatkaofying your mothers, aksar toh na they can also gharkh the beda of your mood. Aur phir you feel like just getting away from all these bekaar ke log but no your mother happens to be the bride's khala or phupu or chachi or mami so your mother says we are not leaving till the vidai kyunki na it wont look good if she doesn't wait until the bride comes to hug and cry on her shoulder and she also has to whisper some wisdom into the nayi naveli dulhan's ears with teary eyes and red nose. If the bride was close to you chances are she'll also come to you for some mutual crying otherwise you can araam se walk out and take a sukh ka saans in the open air. Don't forget to ignore all the potential mothers in law while leaving, make the most out of your heels nahi nahi don't go hitting them just create the loudest thak thak ki awaaz and walk past them with the 'shaitaan may care' wala expression issey ye hoga ke they will think kya bad iqlaaq bacchi hai and will never bother to take things further. Jaan bachi toh lakhon paaye!!
Upar se even at 9 pm you find a few bling dipped aunties scattered here and there. The sunsaan stage suggests the dulhan is still busy with her solah singhaar, arey bhai its her big day after all, she has to look her best, all that roop and all has to descend form the beauticians hands on to her face and so it takes time baba. Asal mein na all these brides want to ghusofy in that dingy teeny weeny China parlour only. Ab how many dulhans can a small room accommodate and how many faces can the beauticians paint at a time, so all these dulhans na they make queues to wait for their turn aur idhar they keep the guests starving.
Ye invitation cards toh na they say nikah at 7 p.m but meri mano toh never be deceived by them. Arey 7 pm ko toh the bridegroom's car starts getting decorated, aur haan I hear these days the guys also go for the beauty parlour things. Fair& Handsome tak toh theek tha but whats with facials and bleaches. Maybe they are thinking' why should girls have all the fun'.
Khair, the nikah takes place whenever the bride and the groom arrive. I wonder how they hold up the qazi for such a long time. I toh feel sorry for that poor chap, even in summers, in that thick sherwani, and that furry topi he has to wait for dulhas and dulhans all the time. But what can we do, Jab ladka ladki lazy toh kya karega qazi. Sigh.
After the nikah na all the aunties sitting in the front rows start running for cover, mothers start hiding infants in thier pallus, others try to take refuge behind their large hand bags because you know those things can hit you on your foreheads, your faces, backs, shoulders anywhere, not bombs baba, its the bari (Osama was not hiding in a Banjara Hills mansion no, so no drone attacks in Hyderabad). At Hyderabadi weddings few minutes after the nikah it starts raining misris and badams and if you are not very careful one of the goodies might end up as an embellishment in your high up dos. Ab after the hailstorm of misris and badams the dastarkhwans are set up, no no not the farash par bichane wala dastarkhwan, at parties we call the well laid tables also as dastars you know, like pehle dastar, doosra dastar matlab rounds taken to eat baba.
Some aunties toh I tell you are so chaalu, they strategically place themselves on the seats close to the dining hall so that when the elaan is made they can quickly rush and catch chairs for thier whole khandaan, aur haan again they choose the table near to the kitchen, so that everything comes to their table garma garam, these fat fat aunties and their chalbaziyan uffff....
You don't have to ask only what is on the menu, there can be all new items like spiring rolls and winter balls and Russian salad and French chicken but Biryani and Qubani ka meetha are always on the list, they are there to stay, no phirangi dish can lessen in dono ki maang. The same is with our dulhans, let the designers make fish cut ghagras or mermaid saris, our girls will stick to the shahi Khada Dupatta and the lashkarey wala jadau. We are like this only you know, we like to hold on to our roots very mazbooti se.
Let me also tell you in passing, if you are a shaadi ki umar ki bachi, you are most likely to be scrutinized by all the oldies. They may tell your mom what's hot and whats not in the shaadi ki market aur phir the marriageable maal's owners (read the ladke ki amma/ behen) will be introduced to your mom who will pull you out from a bheed of girls and ask you to meet falan falan aunty adab aur tameez ka tadka lagake.
Khair, these old ladies toh have nothing, no kaam dhaam and they keep bhatkaofying your mothers, aksar toh na they can also gharkh the beda of your mood. Aur phir you feel like just getting away from all these bekaar ke log but no your mother happens to be the bride's khala or phupu or chachi or mami so your mother says we are not leaving till the vidai kyunki na it wont look good if she doesn't wait until the bride comes to hug and cry on her shoulder and she also has to whisper some wisdom into the nayi naveli dulhan's ears with teary eyes and red nose. If the bride was close to you chances are she'll also come to you for some mutual crying otherwise you can araam se walk out and take a sukh ka saans in the open air. Don't forget to ignore all the potential mothers in law while leaving, make the most out of your heels nahi nahi don't go hitting them just create the loudest thak thak ki awaaz and walk past them with the 'shaitaan may care' wala expression issey ye hoga ke they will think kya bad iqlaaq bacchi hai and will never bother to take things further. Jaan bachi toh lakhon paaye!!
